I actually wrote this last year, and I found it in my drafts. Thought it'd be nice to share my experience. I'm actually doing a lot better now, thank god.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin...I honestly never thought I would be discussing this issue. But, I can honestly say going through depression is very exhausting; emotionally, physically and mentally. I remember hearing from it and I remember how I judged that person, I was like why become a parent if you don't know what you're getting yourself into. 

I have three lovely kids whom I LOVE, I adore them with all my heart. Yes, it's been a rough road but, that's life. I first went through the baby blues with my first daughter, whom  is now 3. I had my daughter at the age of 16 and I though it was going to be easy since I use to babysit my sisters since they were 9months up until they turned 1. But, it's not the same because that is your kid so you have to do everything. Besides me been alone at home most of the time, my husband and I weren't living together and he couldn't understand the way I was acting.  This was in 2009, then in 2011 I had my second daughter in which I got a the baby blues a bit, but not as much since I was living with my husband already. But, now I have a baby boy whom is 1 month old and since the day I delivered I can't seem to get back on my feet. The first week was horrible, I kept crying my eyes out and they got SUPER swollen. I couldn't help it. My husband had to take a week of work to be with me and help me out with my girls. It got to the point where I honestly thought of hurting myself. I just kept denying and when I spoke to the doctor and psychologist I denied it, one because I was scared and two I was embarrassed. I never had thoughts like that in MY life, and now I still get emotional out of nowhere. Like the other day I was laughing and I just burst out crying. To make this story short, I learned, I am learning about this postpartum thing. And I realize now, that it's no joke, it's not easy and it's very scary.

Also, it doesn't just affect the mother, speaking for myself, I noticed it's also affecting my kids. They see mommy crying and having anxiety attacks, and they don't know what to do. Your partner may also freak out, because he may not know what to do. BUT, I can gladly say that I'm learning more about this, I am learning how to cope with it. And I realized that writing helps me, I get to write what I feel whats on my head and i get to let it out. And I just hope that whom ever reads this, learns, learns to understand a friend, sister, wife or anyone going through it. That's it's not easy. Also if you are going through it, that you are not alone if you feel upset, alone, sad talk to someone, it WILL help. Or write out your feelings, let it out in a piece of paper.